A 21-year-old living in the 21st century.

MILAN– Nine months ago, I moved to Rome from Milan. There, my life changed. I built a family with new friends coming from many different countries. I started to find my path in this world, and my heart was building projects to which I was devoting my body and soul. Nothing from the
outside could rip the right I deserved to look for my self-fulfilment. I’m a Western 21-year-old woman living in the 21st century. All my life taught me that hard work and dedication could get me whenever I wanted to. I had no attachments nor obligations to other people but me. I was an individual living in a country full of art and traditions, but I belonged to myself only.

On March 7, I returned to Milan to celebrate my birthday at my parents’ house. I took clothes and books for three days and nothing more. I said goodbye to my friends in Rome, sure that we would have enjoyed the music of Trastevere’s street singers again the following Thursday.

That night, the Italian government shut Lombardy’s borders down. Two days later, Italy was blocked. A girl who has always been on the move was stuck in a place where she did not belong. My projects were swept away with a cough. For the first time, I learned that I am not invincible. We are not invincible.

The average age of vulnerable people was lowered to under 55 years old. For the first time, I saw my dad worried. I keep telling my grandpas not to step outside. I am concerned about my mum having to go grocery shopping. Every 30 minutes, my parents ask us to open the windows and wash our hands. Every time a phone rings, a shock of fear shakes my spine. Every time my dad coughs, I already picture him at the hospital. Even smart working or smart studying becomes difficult when you feel helpless.

I gave my grandpa my first printed article from a 4-meter distance because I did not want to harm him. At that moment, his glance taught me the power of embraces. I have retained myself too often from showing love because I feared seeming too emotional. I have often censored myself from asking for an embrace not to be labelled as weak. I did not give my friends the affection our friendship deserved because I was too busy. We always say, “See you later,” because we never feel ready to utter the last goodbye. We never think that we do not own our lives. Now, they packed their things up and returned to their homelands, and I do not know when I will feel their lips on my cheeks again. We try to make ourselves closer by texting each other to be safe.

All my personal belongings remained in Rome. I found out I can live without anything but people to care for and people who care about me. Suddenly, the love I need could be torn away by something I cannot control. The love I can give could be gifted to no one. That’s the worst thing about COVID-19: the fear of losing love.

Our leaders are choosing what is more valuable between business and life. History and people will judge them on that choice. I have been told that the internet is a democratizing force. That is false. An illness is. COVID-19 takes politicians and priests. Writers and journalists. Doctors and nurses. Italians and immigrants. Still, the healthcare systems around the world are not democratic at all. We are noticing the global polarization we ignored because we were the strongest side of the binary. We blamed refugees because they docked on our coasts. Many students, myself too, tasted a small portion of what they feel and think. Some of us are split from our families; others rush home, leaving their belongings behind.

I’m a Western 21-year-old woman living in the 21st century. I tasted many freedoms, including, above all, freedom of movement. I am a Western 21-year-old who cannot move, even if living in the 21st century.

We like to think of ourselves as islands, but we are not. Our decisions affect people around us instead. We do not live for ourselves only, for better and for worse. Everybody is putting their skills to service the community. Everybody sings on their balconies at 6 p.m., musicians live stream for three hours per day on Instagram, museums offer home vision options, and I am writing this. Everyone contributes to their country's well-being, even outside of Italy.

I learned that I am Italian and proud to speak the same language as our nurses and doctors. I am a 21-year-old living in the 21st century and belong to a community that will embrace me as soon as possible. My projects will flourish again because they will be rich with this new awareness. There will come a time when we will feel those embraces again. They will carry another scent. They will taste better than any of our worldwide-known dishes.

We are not invincible, but we are not giving up.

This op-ed appeared in The Matthew student newspaper on April 29, 2020.